Joke of the Day

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me and killed me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

Submitted by shurl0ck on Wed, 01/04/2012 - 1:53pm



A Filipino Applies for a Job at Wal-Mart. An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified.
An American, a Russian, an Australian and a Filipino. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?" Acknowledging Dave, the American on his right, the man replied, " A THOUGHT". It just pops
into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian. "Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very
popular cliche for speed."

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the
pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to Jomario, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Jomario replied, "Apter herring da 3 ansers sirrr, et's obyus to me dat de pusstest ting known is Diarrhea."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"O I can expleyn serrr ." said Jomario "YOU SEE SERR, De odder day I wasn't peeeling bery good and I run soooo pusst to de battrroom, BUT bepore I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON DE LIGHT, I alrrreddy had de sheets in my panhts. Aysos nako!"

Jomario is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart.


#1 Thu, 01/05/2012 - 12:52am


What do you call your Samoan uncle who is out surfing and not catching any waves?

Uncle Toufa, Toufa Ousai


#2 Wed, 01/04/2012 - 8:35pm


Australian man, English man and a Samoan man. They all wanted to join the army, so the General asks all of them. The same question.

First he asks the Australian man "How much money do you have?" he replies "One thousand dollars." The General then asks "What are you going to buy?" he replies "A BAZUKA!" The General then asks "Who are you going to be?", he replies"COMMANDO". The General tells him that he can join the army.

The General then asks the English man, "How much money do you have?," he replies "Two Hundred Dollars." The General then asks "What are you going to buy," he replies "A MACHINE GUN!" The General asks "Who are you going to be?" he replies "RAMBO." The General tells him that he can join the army.

The General turns to the Samoan Man asks him the same questions. The Samoan says "tew tala.." The General says "What the hell!" He then says, "What can you buy with Two dollars?" the Samoan man replies "sole I kona pie da bread." The General astounded then says "Who the hell are you going to be with a loaf of bread?" The Samoan replies "TAH BREADATOR!!!"


#3 Thu, 01/05/2012 - 1:08am


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