Excuses for being slow

My paddling buddies never cease to amaze me with their array of excuses for paddling slow or coming in last on a run. I've got some time to kill so I figured I'd put together a list of things I've heard or said in the past. When I've gathered up enough of these execuses, I think I'll print the list out and keep them in my paddling shorts in case I need one.

Here are some of them:

  1. I slept funny last nite and my shoulder is killing me.
  2. I think I have a torn rotator cuff.
  3. Did you see the branch that was stuck in my rudder? I think the tree was still attached to it.
  4. Darnit! I think my boat has water in it -- again.
  5. I already went to the gym this morning.
  6. I really really really need a carbon boat.
  7. I just got over a cold.
  8. I fooled around with the settings on my ama so I'm just getting used to the boat.
  9. The water was running on the inside, huh? I should have followed you.
  10. I just gave blood.

Did I miss any?

Submitted by Snarfblat on Wed, 01/11/2006 - 5:42pm



recently heard:

  1. I've been in Europe for 3 weeks.

and my excuses...

  1. I haven't paddled in 4 months.
  2. The paddle I used is too long.
  3. I never used this boat before.
  4. My usual workouts consist of walking and/or typeing.

haha. alright I'll stop whining. :D


#1 Wed, 01/11/2006 - 10:31pm


hahahahaha---- eh, Europe for three weeks is the only legitimate excuse up there.

Keizo your excuses were more like (at hour two of what could have possibly been the longest ever Hawaii Kai to Magic Island run)-

  1. Damnit this is as hard as I can paddle!
  2. This run sucks
    .
  3. I hate paddling.

My favorite excuse is (besides the Europe one)

  1. I was staying below 80%

#2 Thu, 01/12/2006 - 12:03am


  1. It's not race day; I'm saving myself for when it REALLY counts.
  2. I thought your ego could use a boost.
  3. I didn't clean out my Camelbak and it made me sick.
  4. A whale got in my way.
  5. I thought you were behind me, so I stopped to check to see if you were all right.
  6. I had to stop to pee.
  7. I slowed down to take in the scenery.
  8. My rudder hooked on a fishing line.
  9. I thought we were going to re-group at Kanaha (or somewhere else short of the destination).

Nice to know I'm not the only one with a full repertoire of excuses. Personally, I like to try two or three of them on for size before we even hit the water.


#3 Thu, 01/12/2006 - 8:14am


  1. You friggin guys started without me, I wasn't even ready.
  2. This shorts sucks, da bugga was giving me rash...
  3. "wow, you was pushing huh? I was just cruising.."
  4. "I was about to make my move on you then that friggin windsurfer came out of nowhere..."
  5. "I got cleaned out by a wave"
  6. " I ummm....well I .....you see this...uhhhh....paddling is stupid.

#4 Thu, 01/12/2006 - 7:21pm


  1. I had to stop a couple of times 'cause my left leg went numb.
  2. I'm tappering my training for the upcoming race.
  3. I was trying a new paddling technique...hehe.....
  4. I thought you were in back of me so I waited.

#5 Fri, 01/13/2006 - 7:12am


  1. Whoa, did you see that whale?
  2. I'm so tired from work today...
  3. The tube on my camel back was kinked!!!
  4. I paddled pretty hard yesterday.
  5. My heartrate monitor said my heartrate was too high!!(i've personally used that one!!)

#6 Fri, 01/13/2006 - 3:33pm


  1. My boat is really friggin heavy..
  2. I haven't been training because I've been coaching kids all tihs time...

#7 Fri, 01/13/2006 - 7:36pm


  1. I'm hungover.

quite possibly the most often used of all time. at least for me....


#8 Mon, 01/16/2006 - 12:10pm


"wow...I'm getting old!"
"I thought we were supposed to go easy that piece"


#9 Tue, 01/17/2006 - 4:32am


Eh maybe I should have orded side salad instead of MAC salad brah..


#10 Tue, 01/17/2006 - 10:03am


I just suck

i'm not that fast

your better than me

some of the true excuses haha


#11 Tue, 01/17/2006 - 4:32pm


hapakid2 are you sure that you have actually heard a paddler use one of those?


#12 Tue, 01/17/2006 - 8:33pm


no i've never heard those excuses but i'm sure i was one of those and still am. but covered it up with all the other excuses these guys have shared


#13 Wed, 01/18/2006 - 10:13pm


I need a new rudder

"When the wind dies my (insert name of canoe) dies."

@!$^#! weeds! (kelp, if on the ocean) I was carrying an anchor.


#14 Thu, 01/19/2006 - 1:14pm


Real ones 57 & 58

I have a newborn baby boy and a growing business that has demand outstripping my ability to keep up with it AND spend time with the little guy ( + wife ) whom I really want to take out on the water but he is a little small right now..... so I get me work done, pull father duty and then live vicariously over the web ( Playing Keizos dang game ) as I watch a lifetime of fitness go away.


#15 Sat, 01/21/2006 - 11:24pm


All these excuses and I am suprised I haven't heard this one yet: I should have used the 9 1/2 inch blade instead of the 9 inch. Or, I should have used the hybrid paddle instead of the all carbon fiber or wood paddle. I personally used these excuses before.


#16 Sun, 01/22/2006 - 4:32am


  1. (approximately) These shorts are chafing me.
  2. I got a cramp in my _____ (fill in the blank).
  3. I didn't want to embarrass you.
  4. I'm just having a bad day/week/month/year.
  5. I wanted to stay behind you to see your technique/line
  6. I couldn't find a good line.
  7. I thought I saw a mermaid

#17 Thu, 01/26/2006 - 10:00am


Did a long run yesterday.. Whew! Dicing wth Kai, Karel and Manny, really burnt me out for today....

Yes, I have used that one but everyone knows I just suck! Hehehe....


#18 Thu, 01/26/2006 - 7:43pm


  • I was looking at the wrong flag
  • The starter didn't hold the red flag up long enough
  • i don't have a pueo

#19 Mon, 07/26/2010 - 9:27am


  • ... is out of trim
  • ... is rolling too much
  • ... didn't take the right line
  • ... heavier anyway
  • ... not as committed as last year
  • ... practice is as least as much fun as the race
  • ... but my timing is good
  • ... blade too big
  • ... next time !

#20 Mon, 07/26/2010 - 10:23am


......overtrained!
......flipped over!


#21 Mon, 07/26/2010 - 11:02am


Waves too big.
Wind too strong.
I never practiced in these conditions.
Too salty the water.
...shirt was too tight.


#22 Mon, 07/26/2010 - 12:11pm


I’ll have to go for a run on your canoe some time
I did 2 hours yesterday. You should see the program I’m on
This canoe is really for big water
I was just cruising at the start
Can you check my rudder for weed?
You’re paddling well at the moment
Man my arse is sore
Shoulder is no good at the moment
But you know I can pull that sixman along ah
How much does that canoe weigh?

Ha ha good to know it is everywhere in the world


#23 Mon, 07/26/2010 - 1:07pm


-my chines weren't big enough
-I just had a baby
-I have a real job
-it's too rainy


#24 Mon, 07/26/2010 - 2:33pm


Its too Cold.
Its too Hot.
I ran out of water and Im all thirsty now.
My t-top is loose and I didn't want to break it off.


#25 Mon, 07/26/2010 - 3:01pm


We cut inside the same Pylon yesterday.

Me pleading my case when I got our mixed crew disqualified leading a race.......


#26 Mon, 07/26/2010 - 5:07pm


dude! i finished and could not find you anywhere on the beach so i got a ride back out and did the run again. you're tellin me i only came in 3 minutes behind you and you only did one run. damn you slow.


#27 Mon, 07/26/2010 - 8:24pm


really, i thought the rudder went in front on this canoe.

wow, did you see that crap? i just had to help a humpback whale deliver her calf.

i cant believe you didn't see that pod of 30 nimph female dolphins that assulted me. i think i caught some kinda rash.

thank goodness i had that tube of solar rez, it sure was hard to put the 2 pieces of my canoe back together in those conditions.

man, i fell off my boat on the first bump and had to swim 5 miles to catch up with it. i cant believe you didnt stop it for me. it passed you 3 times.


#28 Mon, 07/26/2010 - 8:39pm


I had to stop to take Video.


#29 Mon, 07/26/2010 - 11:10pm


True story.

I paddled a river race and dropped my paddle, I asked a guy coming up behind me to fetch it as I had a cathetor (can't spell) bag attached to my leg. I didn't want to get the ol fella wet in case of infection!

I dropped the paddle when I hit the tube attached to the aforemention ol fella......he didn't believe me either!!!!!!!!!


#30 Mon, 07/26/2010 - 11:46pm


1) my kids kept me up all night
2) work has me too stressed out
3) Think I'm coming down with a cold
4) my ama popped off coming down that [insert size] swell
5) friggin container ship got in my way


#31 Tue, 07/27/2010 - 8:44pm


stickers were flaping in the water, slowin me down, had to stop to rip them off.


#32 Tue, 07/27/2010 - 9:52pm


Too much dust on the hull

Oh, the paddle goes the other way!


#33 Wed, 07/28/2010 - 3:56am


"Barnacles" was the excuse two nights ago. Problem with that one is we paddle on a lake.

don m
penticton, canada


#34 Wed, 07/28/2010 - 4:05am


Im better in the flats
im better in the surf
just got out from surgery
old football injury
back seized up

im too fat
im out of shape

my personal favorite....I just plain Suck Ass!


#35 Wed, 07/28/2010 - 9:46am


who needs excuses ? ... I LIKE to be slow !


#36 Wed, 07/28/2010 - 10:26am


I did not see:
"I have the wrong canoe for these flat/medium/big wave conditions."
Yes, I have said these words myself.


#37 Wed, 07/28/2010 - 11:56am


"well..... it started with a tiny piece of eel grass off the start, which got lonely and decided it needed some company, so a strand of kelp joined the party, but I think it brought crabs cuz by the end I had a full on ecosystem attached back there, I think at one point I was trolling a fishing line..they dont have this problem in hawaii"

the ladder being my excuse every time..


#38 Wed, 07/28/2010 - 12:51pm


Some great suggestions here. Thanks for that. Should keep me from facing reality for another 6 months minimum....


#39 Thu, 07/29/2010 - 10:23pm


I been out for so long Im geting a numb nut.


#40 Fri, 07/30/2010 - 9:37am


I just poured 100yds of concrete today.
I've got a splinter right in the middle of my palm
My right arm is dead. I was swinging hammer all day.
My personal excuses. Lol


#41 Fri, 07/30/2010 - 11:46am


Your mom kept me up all night. lol


#42 Fri, 07/30/2010 - 12:43pm


I broke my boat in half hugging bird shit island to close...


#43 Sat, 07/31/2010 - 9:48pm


True story,

An anonymous friend on Molokai claimed he had to help a grounded sailboat on the reef off of Kaunakakai Wharf. That person said he had to stop and help because he heard someone screaming for help. Two other friends (they came in the dark) waited for the other friend that made the claim by the inside channel buoy not knowing the friend that made the claim paddled quietly pass the other two paddlers so he wouldn't be the last one in...again. Mind you, the two paddlers finished earlier and waited in pitch black darkness, no city lights on Molokai.

Got worse when MFD fire rescue and police responded and didn't find a sailboat or survivors. And that person adamantly stuck to his story. It was also caught on video. If that friend is reading this thread, sorry, had to bring that one up.

By the way, I probably used every single excuse out there, funny other people use them also.

Carlton


#44 Sat, 07/31/2010 - 10:40pm


Was plugging all night lonnnggg, my tanks are empty


#45 Sun, 08/01/2010 - 9:49am


My most favorite excuse:

"I'm not on a Pueo"

Recently heard:

"Some guy passed me easily and took a few strokes off then did a rainbow change" -My hopes were ruined


#46 Sun, 08/01/2010 - 12:11pm


Colon cancer....hopefully no one remembers that was just as slow before!


#47 Sun, 08/01/2010 - 2:37pm


And yet you still kicked my butt. I don't have an excuse that is viable. Except that..............I'm used to paddling in salt water.......and this fresh water really slows my boat down. Yeah, that's it! Stupid haole fresh water.


#48 Sun, 08/01/2010 - 2:52pm


....I'm on my period....


#49 Mon, 08/02/2010 - 9:29am


I have a tendency to be slow because I am more Portuguese then German/Hawaiian. Menstrual cycles, state of the art watercraft, tides, wind, water salinity, et al, have no bearing on my performance. My saving grace, if there is such a thing, is my Makana Alii paddle. Oh yea Leslie, who loves you!


#50 Tue, 08/03/2010 - 7:10pm


heard this one the other day.

Well I didn't go as fast on my time trial today cause the water was 10 degrees colder than the last time I paddled. (they actually have a handy cap for WR in rowing when the water temp is different)


#51 Tue, 08/03/2010 - 8:08pm


I hate kelp beds.


#52 Wed, 09/29/2010 - 6:55am


my twogood weighs 44lbs!


#53 Wed, 09/29/2010 - 7:14am


Snarfblat is back.


#54 Wed, 09/29/2010 - 9:28am


The best I've heard ever was the comment following a recent race that "my new canoe attracts seaweed". Pretty amazing canoe that can do that!


#55 Wed, 09/29/2010 - 11:06am


My canoe attracts flies.


#56 Wed, 09/29/2010 - 7:26pm


My canoe attracts pretty girls... hehe


#57 Wed, 09/29/2010 - 7:38pm


luke's excuse for being slow is Snarfblat being back? this is an interesting theory. please explain.


#58 Wed, 09/29/2010 - 8:49pm


as I was paddling, a gorgeous wahine was out on her stand up, she asked me to lather her up with sunscreen.. one thing led to another


#59 Thu, 09/30/2010 - 8:59am


these are hilarious i'm happy i opened this thread

my plug came out
" I hesitated"
" I cramped up coach"


#60 Thu, 09/30/2010 - 8:06pm


Sometimes I just need a good laugh and read this tread. Anyone got something new to add?


#61 Wed, 02/29/2012 - 8:09am


I thought I hear my paddle shaft crack so I was limping home. but I was right there.


#62 Wed, 02/29/2012 - 10:18pm


Slow? Me?

Didn't you see me go by you the first time?

I'm just taking my victory lap.


#63 Thu, 03/01/2012 - 6:31am


Every time I go on one run with my coach, he is always standing on the beach when I finish and ask's the same thing.

"What Joel? You Huli?"

Excuses

I think something is funky with my steering, I no can go right

Had to come inside, thought I was gonna end up at Molokini

I have been focusing on 6 man, so I need to get use to my boat again.

Brah, this is a base training day for me


#64 Mon, 07/01/2013 - 10:00am


My hat blew off and I had to get it.


#65 Tue, 07/02/2013 - 10:39am


Had to stop for a huge humpback whale that surfaced in my path and didn't want to move for it seemed like 5 minutes on a Hawaii Kai to Kaimana race (true story) this past season


#66 Wed, 07/03/2013 - 8:36am


"My shorts are too baggy, the wind made them parachute and slowed me down..."


#67 Wed, 02/13/2019 - 5:40am


This is the one I use:

I'M FAT!


#68 Tue, 04/09/2019 - 1:04pm


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